Finally, I decided to screw my head on straight and get some real advice. I met Dr. Jacqueline Schatz at Barnard College so I know she’s got major street cred. After another year of meeting Mr. Wrong over and over again, I found her card in my wallet and decided to email her. WELL! Open the flood gates! Did I have the courage to meet the right person? Or was I addicted to the pain of chasing the wrong? I told her why I chose to be single and she nicely over FaceTime, told me that the reason I was single is not because of my choice, or that I didn’t want to meet someone. The reason I am still single after RUNNING like a wild woman as fast as I could from my exes was that I am TOO NICE. WHAT???? SO while I was researching A DANGEROUS AGE, I did go on both Tinder and Bumble to see how single men/women chat with each other. I casted a wide net and swiped A LOT of men, and was met by one guy who told me he was reading EE Cummings in the bath, and went on a few dates with guys who SEEMED well intended, but all had the same story. They were heart broken and were looking for their true love on a dating site. Most of them were extremely aggressive, and assertive about meeting me in person. WHATTTTTT????? In my novel, A DANGEROUS AGE, I quote Esther Perel’s TEDTALK which basically leaves you with the takeaway that you need to do is show off your superpower and he/she will always be in love with you. Don’t try to change for him/her and definitely don’t date a guy a second time who’s profile pictures is altered and /or misrepresented. He’s altered!!! Look, there is someone out there for everyone. I truly believe that. I’ve seen way too many DP (dick pics) which were sent to me unsolicited. Guys, I don’t need to see what you think your penis looks like in a face tune pict, I do own the BIG PENIS BOOK- which was given to me on my 40th birthday by my hairdresser. Every woman will tell you its not the size of the wave. So if you don’t know what to do with it, watch youporn.com. Those who send the pics unsolicited are what they are sending! DICKS! That goes for the ladies, too. Why on EARTH would you ever send anyone a photo of your kitty? Make those guys beg for it! I digress.
As a mama bear of two kid-lets, my code of ethics may be a lot higher than the average Tinderella, but I understand why these women are doing what they are doing. Why not send a disappearing snap to a guy? I say why? My problem is that men think Im going love their photos and/or to be their sugar mama. Sorry gents, I do work full-time and have like 90 jobs, and I provide and raise my kiddies alone, so I can’t really babysit you. But you are more than welcome to babysit me…I want a partner in fun and love crime, just like everyone else. I don’t care if your ex wife/girlfriend was cheating on you and took all your money, Mine did and I just make MORE!
So, now lets get gritty,
- Don’t date anyone who has a misleading photos ANYWHERE!
- Don’t date anyone who doest have a job/and or passion.
- Don’t date anyone who gambles, does drugs, or anything in excess. They have a name: LOSER!
- Don’t date anyone who doesn’t treat you like you treat them
- If a guy shadows you for ONE day: HE DOES NOT LIKE YOU. Get rid of him!
- Any texts after 11pm are A BOOTY CALL. HES NOT IN LOVE, and HES NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU. YOU ARE ONLY ONE WHO RESPONDED. CONGRATS! YUCK!
- DO NOT SEND ANY PHOTOS below the belt. No man wants to take a girl he met on a dating site home with him who sent him her kitty litter. Theres a word for that: and she get paid to do that…
- And my favorite is to collect data. Dr. Schatz says to write down the qualities of the man/woman after every date. Keep a journal and get rid of the ones who don’t meet your standards.
- Don’t date a guy who doesn’t ask you out; he doesn’t want to go out. PERIOD.
- Date who the person is, not who you think they could be.
It’s rough out there, and I’m with you. I’ve meet so many creepers, and some who are inherently sweet, but they have been jaded by what “EVERYONE ELSE” is doing. They literally complain to ME, while I’m on the date…
THE four characters in my novel, talk about this for over 400 pages. Every man and woman who is single thinks the same way. The advice Im giving to myself is and will always be: BE the BEST version of me. He will find me, and he will find you, too.
Let those CATS chase that mouse. Especially with all the cocktail parties on the horizon, don’t drink and swipe. Feel free to reach out to me on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter. IT’S TIME to unlock our love lives.